I have been staring at an empty paragraph element for over 10 minutes now, which is fitting as I still do not completely know who Eli is. I have tried to define myself by looking at others, analyzing their behaviour to figure out in which box I would belong best. Altough I do not condemn heuristics necessarily, I have found out that a person may fit in a jacket, but not in a box. As do I. And I am slowly figuring out the jackets I like best. So let me tell you three things which I did find out about myself.
1.) I have a great love for growth. Ever since I was little, I have been interested in many things. Over the years I figured out that this is because of the incomparable feeling of seeing yourself improve. I would like to consider myself a fast learner and so being interested in many things makes me attain that feeling of improvement ever so often 2.) I see beauty in both the archetype, and its representation. I truly believe I could have had any other hobbies/interest, as long as I would have put more time in them. I am not only passionate about music and statistics. I am passionate about the idea of passion. I do not only love my family, I love that idea of love and its implications. From archetypes, representations emerge and I cannot wait to see which forms my ambition will take on in the coming years 3.) I live my life with attention to whatever I lay focus on each day. Being alive is being in the moment. The moment is where action happens. Do not worry about worrying, it has its merits, but as soon as you decide to do something, do it and engage with your fulll attention.
To tell you a bit more about myself, I list three of my hobbies below and I finish off with a short story on the role of the researcher I wrote during a time I wrote poems.
And here we are. As I read through my high school notes I notice the works of someone most inquisitive. A curious mind with lots of questions waiting to be heard and answered. This curious mind does not passively wait for the answers to his queries, however. He actively engages in a world that has more presented questions than provided answers. And this will always be the case as long as humanity survives its own existence. Is it even worth looking into the unknown, knowing that your vision won’t expand beyond the darkness? This is something I ask myself regularly. Ironically, I do not have an answer. I do know one thing though: the alternative, giving up, is infinitely worse. I have an anecdote I would like to share regarding this very topic.
It is a Friday night and I am at home with my family engaged in a heated philosophical discussion. From my parents’ window, I see a dim summer sun slowly setting below the tall trees that have watched over me since my childhood. I ask my father if he knows of a higher goal in life, irrespective of religion, that guides our actions and values. He replies that there probably is none and that everything we do is guided by our own goals and standards. I then ask what the purpose or value of an action is, granted there is no higher goal. He again replies that there is, strictly speaking, none. The universe is indifferent of its own existence and so it is of you. Finally I ask why I should even be alive? Being alive seems just as valuable as death at this point, so why undergo the inevitable suffering? My brother, who normally dreads farcical philosophy, turns to me and gives me one of the most profound answers I will ever come across. He says: ‘Life most certainly has no higher goal, but it is always better to stay alive on the off chance it does’.
And this validates the role of the researcher better than any other definition. Maybe there is no answer to all our queries. Maybe the answers don’t even matter. Maybe the darkness will infinitely expand until all we see is a deep omnipresent black. Closing your eyes, however, will not drive the darkness away, but rather strengthen it. The best we can do is keep them open and search for rays of light, no matter how small. To stop asking questions is to give up. It is allowing the darkness to prevail. This is something I have learned over the past 23 years I’ve had the privilege of walking this solitary planet. Never stop wandering.
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